It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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