Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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