I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I have already put on my inside pants.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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