I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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