Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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