i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
