My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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