Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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