It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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