youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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