Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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