i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
