the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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