I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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