I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Let's paint friendship bongs
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
