There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
