I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
