Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
farters have to be the big spoon...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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