She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize