Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
