I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
