I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
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They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
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whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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