yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
