Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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