just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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