No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I understand Curling. That high.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
