you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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