your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
