I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
