i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
