I just cut my nipple shaving
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
