I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize