I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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