i wish peter jackson would direct porn
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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