Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
