i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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