The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
