You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My life is pants optional.
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