so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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