I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
