Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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