watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
