he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
