Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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