Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
