After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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