dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
