so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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