Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
