I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
