Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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