I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
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