im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
