Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
