Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I intend to get homeless drunk
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
