When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
