he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
