i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
