You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
