i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
