I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
