you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
