I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
