I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
